Batch Attack Is Back

Yo, what's up. I was injured last season. So I invented Twitter.

It feels good to be back on the football field again, even though it's hot as balls in Latrobe. It didn't help matters none when I was given control of the offense and the atmospheric temperature worldwide went up 0.7 degrees. It ain't global warming. It's me running a two-minute drill.

President Obama called me after the practice to congratulate me.
Black is thicker than blood.

That's a big contract you have, Heath.
The longest reception of your career? 86 yards for a TD.
Don't forget who threw you the rock.


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Coach Mike Tomlin has been glancing at me knowingly the past couple days.
He knows the first couple years of Ben's career have been a fluke.
Black is thicker than blood.


Finally, I wanted to address the current eBay squabble. If you're buying a Charlie Batch autographed headset-and-clipboard combo, make sure you get a certificate of authenticity with that shit.

Batch out.